Blah blah blah I’m a dirty tramp

I really need to stop reading crap on the Internet.  I waste at least an hour every day on the following terrible websites:

www.textsfromlastnight.com It makes me sad for humanity.

College students are dirty, dirty little creepos.

whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com This wonderful site also makes me sad for humanity, namely every child who has ever had really really dumb parents.

My favorite is the kid eating the barrel of a gun.  Classic comedy, my friends.

myparentsjoinedfacebook.com It’s funny, mostly because my mom is on facebook.

Luckily, my mom doesn’t quite know how to use it yet.

www.fmylife.com is just sad.  But funny.  I love laughing at the misfortune of others.

Someone please give me a book to read.

Jiggly McFatty Fat

I was watching Jon and Kate Plus 8 the other day (either in spite of or because of the adultery rumors, I’m not sure which yet), and they were doing a classic episode reel.  Honestly, those babies were so CUTE.   What’s not so cute?  The way Kate’s stomach looked after popping out 8 babies.  It was like bread dough.

I almost barfed.

Then, for some reason I changed the channel.  The show that was on the next channel? Something about freaking crazy plastic surgery.  Again, I saw a woman with bread dough stomach.

I am never having children.

Okay that’s a lie, but I will not have 6 inside of me at once.  I would then feel like a cat, and I am not a cat.

No no, I’m no cat.

Speaking of TV, I was flipping channels with Mike tonight after a TERRIBLE day at work, and guess what was on.  ROOKIE OF THE YEAR!!  Made me miss Chicago so effing bad.  Give me some Cubbies!

Maybe I’ll call in sick to watch the game tomorrow.  It’s on WGN.

Or maybe I’ll just quit my job.  I’m all for getting the recession before it can get me.  Go on the offensive, that’s my motto.

I’ve been busy

Again, a whole week.  I suck.

I have been super busy because I finally joined a gym and have been waking up early to go.  This also means that I go to bed around, oh, 9:30 or 10 every night.  I am LAME.  But, I’m motivated right now.  Let’s all hope that the motivation lasts more than a week…

I have also been working a lot because Robert was in Hawaii.  Yeah, screw him.  He’s going back next week and I’ll be working 10 hour days again.  Woohoo!

But, the good news is that I’m going home in 28 days!  I CAN’T WAIT.  Vegas is lonely sometimes, and I really miss my sister.

I promise a new post is coming.  I am going out with some people from work on Friday and I’m sure I will have some observations for you guys. 

Baseball season is distracting

It has been a week since the last post.  Let’s not let that happen again.

Things have been busy, but not that busy.  I really need to get back on the ball and stop spending so much time stat-following.

Currently, life is good.  The Cubs are winning 11-1, I have actually been really happy at work the last two days, church was AWESOME on Sunday (Mike decided that he was ready to become a Christian, which made me very happy), and the weather in Vegas has been absolutely gorgeous.

You know what I need?  A good laugh-until-I-cry moment.  I miss doing that.  Since I don’t have many friends here and Mike is currently extremely busy with the academy, I just haven’t had many of those moments lately.

Except for while watching The Office, of course.

Mike and I did actually get to spend some time out this past weekend and made several exciting discoveries.

Robert took us to see Lake Las Vegas.  Holy crap, this place is gorgeous!  If things go the way I hope they will, I want Mike and I to get married there.  They have some really nice hotels with beautiful views of the mountains and the lake, and they have some old, rustic chapels.

They also only have one casino, which makes me think it won’t feel like a “Vegas” wedding.  I don’t want a Vegas wedding.

After the jaunce up to Lake Las Vegas, we decided to get a drink at the M (remember, it’s the new casino in Henderson).  I tried this CRAZY good beer called Pyramid Apricot.  Mmmmmmm. Delicious.  And only $2.50

Missy’s wedding is coming up, and in search of the perfect bridal shower gift I found this really cool website.  Check it out and buy some wine!  www.onehopewine.com.

I also learned another life lesson this weekend (like when I learned not to use soy milk in mashed potatoes).  I learned that when checking to make sure students have cleaned out their apartments when they move out, ALWAYS check the fridge, especially if the power is cut off the day the students move out.

I had to clean out a very, very disgusting fridge on Monday.  Who knew at melted ice cream could grow mold so quickly?

Soy milk is freaking disgusting

Life lessons happen to me every day.

Seriously, I learn something each day that most people a) probably already knew or b) could have figured out without the whole trial-and-error process.

Take today for example.  I decided to make mashed potatoes with dinner because, honestly, I rock at mashed potatoes.  They are my favorite food and I think I’m getting close to perfection with them.

They’re the bomb.

Well, last week my boss was telling me to try soy milk as a replacement for 1% milk in my diet for an easy healthier choice.  “You can’t go wrong,” he said.  “It tastes just like regular milk and doesn’t spoil as fast.  Try the vanilla kind, you’ll love it!”

WRONG!

I mean, it’s okay with cereal (it gives my Crunch Berries a little bit of a kick of vanilla, which everyone should try) but other than that I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole.

So I don’t understand what was going through my head when I decided to make my world famous mashed potatoes for Mike tonight.  We don’t have regular milk in the house, just the vanilla-flavored soy crap.  And mashed potatoes suck without milk in them.

I would have gone to the store to buy regular milk but I’m lazy and there is only 85 cents in my bank account. Yes, I’m a financial wizard in addition to being an outstanding chef.

I added the soy milk.

My potatoes tasted like vanilla paste.

They were dry because I tried to go a little light on the milk, and they were extra gooey because I tried to make up for the lack of milk with sour cream and butter.

No matter how far I come in the cooking relm, my lack of common sense will always make me a disaster in the kitchen.

I must remind myself not to mention this episode to any of my culinary students.

Another weekend in Vegas

Mini highlight and low light this week.

Highlight: Vegas weather.  This weekend was absolutely gorgeous.  I sat outside and read all day (more on this later) and had a cookout/laid by the pool yesterday.  It was GLORIOUS.

Low Light: Chicago weather.  The freaking Cubs game was canceled today because of rain.  What makes this suck even more is that I didn’t get to watch yesterday’s game because Fox out here played the stupid 22-2 loss by the Yankees instead.  I must admit, though, it was nice to see the Indians (and Mr. Mark DeRosa) crush the Yanks.

So Mike and I took a walk to the library yesterday.   Good thing we didn’t wait because apparently the library is closing for the next month for renovation.

I have this picture in my head about book people.  See, I’m a book person, and most of my friends are book people, so I always think they’re friendly, witty, sweet people.

The people at the Henderson library do not fit my stereotype.  It was oddly depressing for me.  I wanted to make friends with the library people.

I guess that tells you something about my social life out here in Vegas.  I’m lonely sometimes.  And pathetic.  At least I have my cat…

At the library I picked up two books, one of which is Running with Scissors. For some reason, I had anticipated a funny book.  Not so funny.  I mean, there are funny aspects, but mostly it’s a really dark book.  I read almost the whole thing today because I kept wondering what crazy thing would happen to the narrator next.

I went to church today, like I do most Sundays.  I found out that our church is going to start Saturday services, so that will be awesome during football season.

Okay, you caught me, I’m a heathen.

Speaking of heathen, have I ever mentioned that Mike and I live together?  That’s right, we aren’t married and we live together (gasp!).

Mike is a relatively new Christian and he still has a lot of questions.  My pastor brought up premarital sex today and Mike had  a LOT of questions about this.  I realized that I had to explain to him (and myself) why I don’t think that we are doing anything wrong. I welcome debate and disagreement about my explanation because I believe that everyone has a different interpretation of certain aspects of the Bible.

I told Mike that I think the definition of marriage we have can be different than what our pastor believes.  I think that marriage is kind of like baptism.  Someone can be a Christian for a long time and commit his life to God before he decides to publicly show it to his friends and family through baptism.

For me, marriage is like baptism in that you and the person you are with can know that you are in love forever, but you can wait to have the public ceremony and make the public commitment until the timing and circumstances make it possible.

Mike and I want to have a beautiful wedding to celebrate with our friends and family, but we don’t have the money to do that right now.  We would if we could.  We know we’ll be together for the rest of our lives, and that makes us living together okay in my eyes.

I don’t know, maybe everyone else thinks that sex is only okay after rings have been exchanged and a pastor says “I now pronounce you man and wife,” (and I’m definitely NOT saying that marriage is unimportant, because I think that commitment is beautiful and necessary) but I think sometimes we make a piece of paper or a tradition more important than people’s feelings.  Or, maybe everyone thinks that premarital sex is a non-issue now.  Am I out of the loop?

And now I have gone from baseball, to books, to church, to sex.

Obviously I’m blabbering.

I just watched the morning news, and it was ALL bad news

I get the feeling lately that everyone is afraid to talk about politics.  I know I am.

It’s scary when you have no idea what to expect from your country, when businesses and banks are closing left and right, and when you feel like, as my coworker says, you’re taking it up the ass from your employer because NO ONE is hiring.  The unemployment rate is skyrocketing, at more than 10% in Nevada and 9% in Illinois.  That’s over 200,000 people in Nevada without a job.

Fear has us by the balls, ladies and gentlemen.  Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like we are all holding our breath and waiting for one of two things to happen: the other shoe to drop or the knight in shining armour to ride in on his white steed and save us all.

If that isn’t enough, the war in Iraq, the disputes with other countries about our relationship with Cuba, and the immigration “crisis” with Mexico are stressing me out.  I feel like we’re going to have a second Cuban missile crisis and another showdown at the Alamo before Obama’s presidency is up.

Okay, maybe I’m being melodramtic, but usually my focus is on education when it comes to politics, and that isn’t even a factor right now.  Clark county is cutting another 750 teaching jobs next year, which means that I may never get to teach.  But I don’t think I have time to worry about that right now.  I just need to keep my head down, stop complaining, and remember that I’m lucky that Mike and I both have jobs and we have a place to live.

Man, I just know one thing.  I definitely would not want to be the President right now.  Our country is in the worst condition that I’ve seen in my short life on this planet, and I really hope that it turns around soon.

I’m scared for my students who are graduating in fields like culinary, fashion design, and animation, which are all not exactly growing at a rapid pace.

I’m scared for myself that our school will start to fail because it’s so expensive, and then I’ll be out of a job.

But, mostly, I’m downright terrified that Obama will fail and we will be stuck like this for a whole lot longer.  Depending on which way he goes, he could be the next Hoover or the next FDR.  I’m praying for FDR.

Tattle Tale

Okay, so I complain about my job a lot.

Usually it isn’t really all that bad.  I have some spoiled students, some jerks, and some bad eggs, but all-in-all they aren’t terrible.

Today, they were terrible.  At least one of them was anyway.

This student-let’s call him Hank- has been a pain in the butt since I started at this job.  His mom has me on speed dial and calls whenever a tiny little problem occurs.  I have bent over backwards for this kid on more than one occasion, not because it’s my job but because I like to help my students out.

Today, Hank made me regret every last thing that I’ve ever done for him.

Let me give you a little back story:  Hank has a little bit of a problem keeping friends.  He makes friends with a group of people, conforms to their lifestyle (whether it’s studying, drinking, partying, whatever) and then stabs them in the back.  This is like a pattern with this guy.  I’ve seen it happen three times already.  His most recent posse is a group of girls (we’ll say Marsha, Jan, and Cindy) who all live together.  They are funny, cute, young, and a little wild.  Honestly, I was shocked when they all started hanging out because usually these girls wouldn’t be caught dead with a guy like Hank.  He reminds me a bit of Eeyore and they remind of America’s Next Top Model.

Two weeks ago my school had our spring break, and over that week Hank had to move out of his apartment and into a new one about a mile away.  I helped him move most of his stuff but he left some at a friend’s apartment who lives in student housing at his old apartment complex (I did not tell him to do this and I didn’t know that he did).

Anyway, today I got a call from Hank on my work cell phone while I was driving the afternoon shuttle.  This conversation followed:

Me: This is Classless, how may I help you?

Hank: Are you at the Meadows (his old complex) right now?

Me:  (Thinking he needed a ride) I’m on my way there.

Hank: Cindy, Marsha, and Jan are throwing my stuff out.

Me: What stuff?

Hank: I left my stuff at their apartment and they are putting it by the dumpster.

Me: Why was your stuff at their apartment?

Hank: I left it there over break and they are putting it out by the dumpster.  They said the neighbors are starting to take stuff.

Me:  Why is your stuff still at their apartment?

Hank: I didn’t have a chance to get it yet.

Me:  Did they ask you to take it?

Hank:  Yesterday, but I had class all day today.

Me:  But you had all night to get it?

Hank:  Yeah, but (some lame excuse I don’t remember)

Me:  *Sigh* Well, it’s their apartment and if they don’t want your stuff there then there’s not much I can do.

Hank: But they’re throwing it OUT!

Me: Okay.  Well what do you want me to do?  I could call…

Hank: FORGET IT! *Click*

If he would have let me finish, I would have said that I could call Marsha and ask her to wait until I could get there and grab his stuff EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT MY JOB TO DEAL WITH HIS PERSONAL SHIT.

Now, let me just say that if a roommate is stealing, throwing out, or damaging another roommate’s property than I’m the first to step in.  However, if a student leaves half of his shit at another students apartment without my knowledge or permission, than it’s not my motha effin problem.  If the girls didn’t want his stuff there, then they didn’t want it.  These kids need to handle their own problems sometimes.

So, even though Hank hung up on me, I called Marsha.  I asked her what was going on and she said, “After what Hank did to me I don’t want him or his stuff in my apartment.”  I didn’t want to pry into her personal business, so I said, “Fair enough, but could you please do me a favor?  Will you put Hank’s things inside and I will come get them in a minute?”  Having respect for me, she compromised and set everything just outside her door. Problem solved.

During this entire episode I was still driving the beloved shuttle with many confused students in the backseat.

I got a call from the counselor at school immediately after I hung up with Marsha.

I told her the situation and that it was handled, if she would like to pass along the information to Hank (who was in her apparently in her office).  She did so and we hung up.  Immediately after that my boss (the lady who made me cancel my recycling program) called me.  I told her that I was driving the shuttle and that I would fill her in as soon as I got to school.

The following (which is the actual point of the story and I’m very sorry it took me so long to get here) ensued:

Boss: We need to talk.

Me: *Sits down in office and tells story*

Boss: Well, Hank is over at the President’s office trying to lodge a complaint against you.

Me:  FOR WHAT?!

Boss: I have no idea.  Stacey (President’s secretary) said that Hank said “some students have a complaint against the RLC.”  Stacey said that he could come see me about it.

Me: *Explains situation again*

Boss:  I think we need to bring Hank in.

*Enter Hank*

Boss:  What is going on?

Hank:  The girls tried to throw out my shit.

Boss:  Why did they do that?

Hank:  They want to have a sex room so they threw out all of my stuff. (REALLY?!?! That’s your reason?!)

Boss (with bewildered look on her face):  Well, it’s their apartment and they can do what they want as long as it doesn’t break housing policy.  I don’t understand why your stuff was there in the first place.

Hank:  Blah Blah Blah bullshit bullshit bullshit.

Boss:  Okay, so why did you get Classless involved in this?

Hank:  Because they were throwing away my stuff.

Boss:  But that is a personal problem, not a housing problem, and she doesn’t need to deal with it if she doesn’t want to.  You left your things at the girls’ apartment; we did not instruct you to do so.  Just because the dispute is in housing doesn’t make it something that we need to deal with.  Now if your roommate was trying to dispose of your things, then we would get involved.  What I don’t understand is why you tried to file a complaint against the RLC.

Hank:  Uhhhh… I didn’t.  I tried to file the complaint against, uh, Marsha, Jan, and Cindy. (LIAR).

Boss:  Oh, well all of that is brought to me, not the president.

Hank: Okay.

This conversation continued and Hank could not see why this entire issue was his to deal with and not mine.  At one point he told my boss that I said, “What do you want me to do about it,” and he didn’t like that.  She said, “Why didn’t you answer the question instead of hanging up on her?”

I loved my boss after that.

Honestly, as much as I was PISSED at this student for trying to get my fired this afternoon, I was really really happy to have the support of my superiors.  I actually felt good after the whole thing happened, because I knew that I was right and this kid was just mad that no one cared about his little dispute.

Hank acted like he had done nothing wrong in the situation, and I truly hope it was a learning experience for him.

I do think, though, that he would have learned more if I punched him in his face.

Happy Easter!

Not much to say today because it’s Easter and we have stuff to do (like watch baseball and drink beer), but I wanted to say happy Easter!  Church was awesome this morning, the Cubs game has been pretty good (even though the Brewers pitching staff looks like a bunch of little leaguers), and it’s nice to spend some time with Michael.

I do have a highlight and low light for you, though.

Highlight

Mi Peru.  For those of you who do not know, I spent a summer in South America when I was in college.  I loved the food when I was there, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that there is a Peruvian restaurant in Henderson.  It was definitely authentic and the owners were very sweet.  It wasn’t too expensive, either.  I would definitely recommend it!  Click above to check out their website.

Low Light

Billy Bob Thornton. In case you haven’t seen this yet, I will just warn you that after you watch it you will have absolutely NO respect left for this man.  He acted like a complete jerk and made the situation very awkward for a radio host who seemed like a pretty good guy.

I wish people would follow the golden rule more often.

Bucket List

There has been a lot of talk about death lately.

The Angles’ 22 year old pitcher Nick Adenhart and two of his friends were killed in a hit-and-run accident on Thursday morning, two people were killed in a shooting at a  Michigan community college yesterday morning, wildfires in Texas and tornadoes in Arkansas are claiming lives left and right.

Life is short and unpredictable, and all of these recent deaths reminded me that there are many things that I want to do before I die, and I should probably start soon.  These are not accomplishments (like writing a book, learning piano, owning a home, etc.).  These are just some things that I’ve always wanted to do and some things that I’d like to do again.  Here is my bucket list:

• Visit every Major League ballpark (Mike and I hope to go to a different one every summer.)
• Drink a pint of Guinness in the town in Ireland where it’s brewed
• Own a dog named Wrigley
• Shop for wedding dresses at Kleinfeld’s  (It doesn’t have to be for my wedding, I just want to shop there!)
• Go back to Macomb and revisit all of our favorite places
• Write lyrics for a song and have Mike create the tune
• Take my sister on a trip
• Learn how to ski (water and snow)
• Ride an elephant
• Swim in the ocean again
• Go back to Ecuador and see my host family
• Learn to surf
• Give someone something that they have always wanted
• Cook a Thanksgiving dinner
• Have my entire family visit me at the same time
• Read the Bible cover to cover
• Visit Jerusalem
• Eat alligator
• Take a hot air balloon ride
• Spend a month in the summer in the Wisconsin woods just writing, reading, and drinking tea.

Okay, that’s probably ambitious enough for one lifetime.  Right?  Or maybe it’s not ambitious enough.  I don’t know.  I think if I did all of those things I’d be a pretty happy person.  Well traveled, relaxed, loved.  Sounds good to me.  What do you want to do before you die?